...............................................My Love/Hate Relation With Life

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Hey there, if there's anyone out there.

So I started back on my diet a few days ago. 3 I believe. I moved home a couple of months ago and puffed up like a ballon. When I started 3 and a half days ago I was 133 at 5'3 *Yes, I know... Disgusting* This morning I weighed myself in at 127.5. I know I should be happy with my progress, but I just can't be. My body makes me sick.

I've been home alone all day, but my parents left out some stuff they wanted me to eat. *I don't know how to white stuff out or cut it, so I'll just not go there. But know that it was crazy high in fat and calories!* So I cut it up and fed it to my dog. She's a greyhound mix, so she's got a gorgeous sleek and slinder body. I envy my dog, as crazy as that sounds.

I got to sleep in today, which was nice. In a couple of hours I'll be heading off to work, but for now I'm just getting some stuff out. I think if I start trying to regularly post in my journal it will help. At least that's my hope. I have a paper journal as well, but getting support and encouragement every once in a while could be a positive thing.

I feel so lazy and I hate it. Sleeping in was nice, but I've not done much today. Although I'll be on my feet and basically running for at least 4 hours tonight it just doesn't seem like enough. I think perhaps I'll do some stretches and run the stairs before work. Mayhaps that will help me feel better.

If there's anyone out there reading, thanks for making it through my random thoughts. I hope you're all doing well, lovelies!

-Em

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stepstomarrow
When granddaughter, Jada, was born with leukemia, a donor-match was located and Jada made a miraculous recovery. In honor of her grandaughter's health, Jeanna has decided to walk across the country (in the dead of winter) to raise awareness and build support for the bone marrow registry (all that's required is a cheek swab). Follow Jeanna's remarkable journey as she travels the United States by foot.

"I don't care how much it hurts I've got to have control!
I want a perfect body I want a perfect soul!"

I am a cow. And it's killing me. The hunger pains are nothing compaired to looking at myself. Feeling my nastiness move as I walk. I cannot believe I've let myself get to this point! I've got to stop looking to other people and look only inside myself. I have random access to a computer and I know no one who thinks like me. At least not in person. So while I'm away from my computer, I am alone. Only me and the thoughts in my head. And that's all it's going to take to get out of the wrong frame of mind. I have been letting fat win, but not anymore. Good luck with your goals, ladies. I hope you're all doing well!

SS & TT

- Em

"Nothing tastes as good as thin feels!"

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